As I look at this empty blogging screen, I am daunted by its blankness. This blog is not my first; however, I hope it will prove more successful than the last. I am beginning a journey--a journey, which will undoubtedly change my life. As a Rotary Ambassadorial Scholar, I will be spending the next 10 months in Angers, France. Angers is a rather populated city, which according to the unerring Wikipedia has approximately 157, 000 inhabitants. Situated just 1 and a half hours from Paris, by description Angers seems to be a very lovely village, intimate, with culture and good wine (both of which excite me greatly). However, instead of spending this blog space conjecturing about the city. I will instead uses these few digitally paragraphs to discuss my feelings; however, I am not doing this for you my read. In truth, I am doing it for me. This blog, while an avenue to share my experiences with friends, I need this as an outlet for anger, tears, excitement, and disappointment. I hope to make this blog my personal catharsis, one which I can then share with you.
As it stands, I am a train wreck. Having kept myself busy for the last 3 weeks, I have chosen not to think about the inevitable 10 months that will be my experience in Angers. 10 Months away from Friends and Family--even normalcy. Though I just returned from 6 months in Oxford, the city of dreaming spires. I am no less scared of the future. Oxford was a once in a lifetime experience, which I wouldn't trade for anything. The friends and memories which i made there will forever be in my heart ( as well as cataloged on facebook), but nonetheless, I fear that Angers will not hold the same joys. For instance, in England I was able to communicate with everyone ( I will concede that there was a Scot here and there who, to me, was unintelligible) but overall, I never had to fear that my English would be insufficient. Never would I be forced to gasp for words or need to employ circumlocution in order to achieve a simple task. However, in France that is a completely different story. English, the language in which I can shroud my self and hide, the words that console me and protect me are no longer at my disposal. I am stripped bare. I must rely instead upon my battered and broken French. Though I am proficient at French, having passed through essentially the equivalent of French VI, it is not--and never will be--my native language. Simple ideas become unconveyable. My thoughts and effort, which carry me far in English studies, are trapped in my head because of an inability to communicate. For me, there is nothing more frustrating. I want to blend into the French society. To better myself and those around me through an adept use of the French Language; however, I will not be able to do so for, presumably, months.
Beyond the initial language barrier, I am also worried about the following: Losing my baggage, Missing my train to Anger, having book the incorrect travel dates, not being able to find my family at the Train station in Angers, Noting being able to find the Rotary officials at the Train station, that my family and the Rotarians will not get along, that I won't be able to think intelligibly when I meet them because of sleep deprevation, that I have packed to many bags, that I haven't packed enough, that I will perform terribly on my placement exams, that I won't make any friends, that someone in my American family will pass away while I am overseas, that my friends back home will forget about me, and that Armageddon will occur while I am in France--Frankly, I don't like guns, and I certainly don't want to be reliant upon one in a holocaust situation! Irrational, I know, but regardless, these thoughts are occupying space in my mind and, therefore, need to be released onto this page.
Now that I have given you a cursory look into the jumbled up mess that is my current mental state. I am going to focus on the positive! I AM GOING TO FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. Somehow, I have gotten a scholarship to study in the country of culture and refinement. I am going to get to learn the language that, in my opinion, is the most beautiful language in the world: in sound, expression, general expresses--it is simply beautiful. so much so, that certain aspects of French are inexplicable. Furthermore, I am being ushered into a family and network which, though hidden, is wide spread and powerfully affecting change. The International Rotary Club is truly a God-send. I had no idea that I was walking into a group of people who think exactly as I do concerning "Service Above Self" (luckily,their motto). I find myself very fortunate to be allowed access to such a wonderful, philanthropic organization. Not only do I get to study in another country under scholarship, but I am also allowed to attend meetings, help in the local community, and participate in regional and country-wide events, with Rotarians. I truly county myself blessed, and I am so thankful for this opportunity. I plan to make the absolute most of it!
The last part of this blog will by a list of Goals which I plan to Accomplish:
1. I will update this blog at least once per week
2. I will take every opportunity afforded me (food, drink, excursion, etc.)
3. I will write at least one letter/ post card and send it per week
4. I will attend every Rotary Meeting possible.
5. I will get involved in Rotaract
6. I will volunteer at least 1 hour per week.
7. I will do a better job of keeping in contact with friends and family back home and abroad
8. I will have walked or run through every street possible in Angers
9. I will not watch more than one hour of television any given day.
10. I will not get on Facebook more than 3 X in any given day.
So now, with goals in tow I feel a bit better. I am looking forward to this new experience and I cannot wait to see how much I have changed and learned over the course of the next 10 months. I will miss you guys, but I am ready to go have some fun and leave the worries far behind...
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